The beasts of the field and the birds of the free air cry out on this day of smokes from a thousand burning waste incinerators (all clean and green you know) that annual phrase to stir the stout hearts of English yeomen and men dressed in black with pointy hats everywhere – “Pennies for the Guys”. You know the ones don’t you? No, not those ragged figures fashioned of wood, straw, last year’s clothes and a mask courtesy of Alan Moore and David Gibbons, no those other ragged figures in last decade’s clothes we see shuffling to the nouveau food bank (retro Dickensian is all the rage!) courtesy of Messrs Cameron, Osborne and Clegg’s faux austerity programme (it’s bleedin’ real ‘ere mate), asking if you can spare a coin – the ignored, the downtrodden. The Mass.
Now let’s get this straight. Said mass are the bogeymen to Messrs COC and Co. One of the Co – a certain Mr Cove, that well known Eton whiffle is apparently very much concerned with the torrents of blood that may flow should the mass acquire an educashun. ‘Eavens forfend! That such a thing should happen is the stuff of nightmares, or at least that’s a point being made according to one of Mr Cove’s policy advisers:
“The consequences are increasingly dangerous as markets, science and technology disrupt all existing institutions and traditions, and enhance the dangerous potential of our evolved nature to inflict huge physical destruction and to manipulate the feelings and ideas of many people (including, sometimes particularly, the best educated) through ‘information operations’.
“Our fragile civilisation is vulnerable to large shocks and a continuation of traditional human politics as it was during 6 million years of hominid evolution – an attempt to secure in-group cohesion, prosperity and strength in order to dominate or destroy nearby out-groups in competition for scarce resources – could kill billions. We need big changes to schools, universities, and political and other institutions for their own sake and to help us limit harm done by those who, entangled with trends described below, pursue dreams of military glory, ‘that attractive rainbow that rises in showers of blood.'”
Does said Mr Cove really believe in this stuff? Is he scared of an educated mass of ragged trousered philanthropists asking for alms instead of arms? A populace that has become aware of its potential. Of freedom? Or do such concerns register a fear of a wayward education system, out of control and spitting out anarchists, terrorists and Dr Strangelove’s? Those GCSE Chemistry and Physics lessons may come in handy after all to a certain tranche. Or perhaps what’s required is just a subservient dull mass hooked on cyber-crack porn, Hello magazine trivial pursuits, and online luuuuurve, ensconced in Grand Theft Auto World (somewhere off the M4).
Which is the reality, and which is the opium for the people? What would that ragged trousered foreman Mr Bob Crass say, eh? Mr Cove’s adviser has provided Mr Cove with a 250 page essay; Mr Cove may have read it, swallowed it and is preparing to act on it, but the Mr Crass’s, puttering on in their world of blissful ignorance probably wouldn’t be bothered even if it had miraculously appeared in their 1910 copy of the Daily Herald – or 2013 copy of its descendant. No questions asked, let’s accept the world as it is. You read about it in the Daily Herald. And there’s the real issue; the world has always been going to hell in a handcart. There have always been ranters, dissenters, Chartists, Luddites – you name ‘em. Mad Sudanese Mahdists and their ilk have popped up throughout history. There have always been terrorist events too – but Mr Cove’s adviser may well have a point. A thermonuclear bomb is going to damage the paintwork on your Ford Anglia a bit more than one of those 19th century bowling ball bombs with a burning fuse attached. Your insurance company will fill you in (online service only) as to what you can claim. Best keep small hands off the Chemistry set then – you never know what those urchins might devise.
So, the Guffintonnes Post. An occasional journal; or a regular rag will cock a snook at anything that catches our journos eyes. The current gang occupying Dowdy Street are ripe for snooking – but so were the last lot – a stitch ‘em up two party political system that’s running out of control, with no brakes and a steering column that’s taking everyone off road. Whither we’ll all end up we don’t know. As for Mr Cove and Co, such well educated men should know that the banning of books and the control of information is tantamount to men in lederhosen burning bonfires. What next – a torchlight parade? Or is that the ghost of Mr Farage’s student days? No need to worry yet though, those are only fireworks going off outside your window. Remember, remember the 5th of November?
Now remember, remember 2010, false promises spoon fed to all. We at the Guff hope to remind you, so this time around you won’t swallow it.
